Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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