He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
