He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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