why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
