i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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