I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
