But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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