she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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