'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
