we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
