They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
