Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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