just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
