I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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