my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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