Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
