I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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