somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
