Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
