he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
