Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
