i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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