I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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