Me. At least after what I've been through.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
