I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
