Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
