im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
