I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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