wrigley field is MILF paradise
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
