He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
