No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
