we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
