The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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