He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
