i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
