I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
