She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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