dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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