I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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