that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize