Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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