i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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