i love accidental penises.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
