who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Come on in and take your pants off
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