my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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