This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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