Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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