it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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