...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
