I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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