I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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