Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize