I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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