I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
