Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
