We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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