I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
