If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Randomize
