I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
