did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize