you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
