Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think i got beer on your cat.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize