i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
