My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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