Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
