last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
